Review: WWE 2K for iOS
Originally published at Technology Tell.
If he wasn’t in the ring at the time, Mr. Skullington wouldn’t even know he’d won the United States Championship from the precocious Nasty Nate. The match only lasted a handful of minutes, not even long enough to get a fresh beer or for arena security to take away your “CM PUNK” sign. If I was a patron, I’d want something that resembled my damned money back.
But Skullington wasn’t in the seats, he was an attraction. This match was his coming out party, but the results were somewhat predictable. All of his matches ended this way—sometimes he would even use his finisher. It probably has less to do with his own in ring prowess and more with the fact that the competition in WWE 2K is abysmally dumb. Skullington himself, a wrestler I crafted through the create-a-wrestler tools, is generic and silly. Like the actual title itself, WWE 2K seems to be missing quite a bit. So much so, it seems stuck in a time when wrestling games could be so basic and boring.
This is sadder than is seems, considering how legitimately good the game looks for mobile devices. This isn’t remotely a console level visual escapade, but as Randy Orton, The Undertaker, or Bray Wyatt come out to their signature themes—posturing to the arena full of fans—it presents an admirable replica of the live show. The entrances are comically truncated, but that is to be expected.
When the game hits the ring, though, that’s where it all falls apart. The act of wrestling is a confusing batch of taps, swipes and pinches that never work when you want them to. You do a lot of slow gesturing towards your opponent when trying to grab them, as they punch you in the face. You don’t want to grab them, of course. You want to counter the punches, a task requiring you to tap the screen with both fingers at once. After the forth time you tap (the previous three didn’t take) the game assumes you wanted to pinch, telling your wrestler to grapple. Its a frustrating loop that often costs your pugilist a few more dents in his dental work.
That’s about all it costs, though, because it’s incredibly difficult to lose a match in this game. I haven’t tried the “stand in one place and just let my opponent suplex me” technique, but it’s abundantly clear that putting up any fight is putting up enough struggle to baffle the AI’s defenses. I dont even need the grappling controls to work correctly, I just need to hit him three or four times and I’ll get a signature move. Hit them with that, and my finisher will come shortly after. Then the match ends (they don’t call them finishers for nothing).
I jumped into career mode in hopes this lackluster AI was isolated to exhibitions. I was wrong. When I rocketed up the charts with absolutely no competitive friction, I was pretty stunned. This game never gets better; neither its difficulty, nor its argument to keep me playing.
Career mode is what Mr. Skullington was born for. After hitting up the character creator (which is threadbare and embarrassing) I took him straight to the career mode. The fact that it didn’t challenge me in any significant way wasn’t the biggest issue I had with the campaign. When I had gotten into my first match with my newly minted luchador, I realized I had no idea what his moves were. I didn’t forget to set them, mind you. I wasn’t allowed to. This is the only wrestling game with a create-a-wrestler option that doesn’t let you hand pick your creations movesets. Not even a signature move and finisher, the “super hero symbols” of pro wrestling. In it’s place? Generic archetypes like “striker” and “balanced” which are supposed to give you the gist of what your wrestler laces up his boots to do. There wasn’t a style called, “Piss Me Off” so it looks like WWE2K fails yet again.
If there was any reason at all to play this game, it should stop at the exhibition matches. Using wrestlers you know, their six technique move sets will seem familiar and comfortable. RKOing out of no where is in the palm of your hands. For any other reason, I have to ward you away from WWE 2K. It’s a lazy, unresponsive, and completely shallow experience.